Put up your Dukes!!
I am feeling so beat up these days! Kinda like I've been in an emotional boxing ring with a pint sized Mohamed Ali. Benjamin fights me on every single thing, ever single day. Every SINGLE day. Seriously! Not physically, of course, but everything I say to him, everything I ask of him, everything I tell him to do, etc, becomes a big fight and I end up raising my voice more than I like to. Not yelling, but raising my voice so loud that I may as well be yelling. What is the deal with that????? And how in all that is holy do you stop the insanity???? I could certainly yell (and I know I would feel better for all of about 1 second) but I sooooo don't want to be that mother! I swear I don't! I just cringe when I see/hear those women who lose it and just scream at their kids. It makes me feel physically sick. And even I know, coming from a somewhat "loud" upbringing myself, that yelling really serves no purpose.

Just for an example: I'll say something simple like "Hey Benjamin, let's get our shoes on and go outside for awhile" he'll say "No, not yet, mommy, in 5 minutes". Ok, I wait. I'll ask this, oh, say about 5 more times, and the answer is always the same. So then I'll just say "Ok, I guess we'll just stay inside then", and then he'll say "I'm ready to go now". Before we end up going anywhere, I'll usually have to change his diaper or put a sweater on him or put on socks that don't happen to be blue because all the blue ones are dirty because that's all he wants to wear - you get the picture? - and that becomes a whole new fight that always seems to end up with him crying, being plain defiant, and with me pissed off and wanting so bad to YELL. YELL - YELL - YELL - YELL - YELL!! That actually feels a little better ;) I am aware that it's a power struggle going on here, but I don't want to be a part of it. I'm tired of negotiating all day, every day. Some days I just want to voice the command and *poof* it's done. With no struggle......*sigh* I guess we're battling the "terrible twos" with a 3 year old :(

Today eating lunch, after we'd had some rather loud discussion because he had to - god forbid! - wash his hands before eating, and I had to inform him that he could get the the play-doh out AFTER he ate lunch, Ben says to me in a tiny little voice "Mommy, are you mad at me?". Oh my god, my heart broke and I burst into tears right there. He shouldn't have to feel that at this age, for cryin' in a bucket! I just went to him and wrapped him in my arms. Then he took my face in his little hands and he said "Mommy, can I make you happy?" (when he's crying, he asks me to "make him happy" by giving him a kiss and hug) and he gave me the most tender kiss and hug. How is it possible to get so frustratetd with a little being that is so sensitive to me? It causes me much guilt and at times, great heartache.
My girlfriend Aniek (who is the wisest mom I know and should, in all seriousness, be dispensing parenting advice for more money than Dr. Phil) hit the nail on the head when she said to me that I need to have way more "me" time than I currently have. She's right; I know this to be true, but I just don't seem to do it. It's me giving me lip service. Greg is always encouraging me to get out and do things on my own, but truth be told: I don't quite know what to do with myself that isn't somehow Benjamin-related. How sad and pathetic is that?

So from now on, I'm making a promise to myself to really try and get out more often - sans child. And not grocery shopping or the occasional daytime lunch or coffee, but actual night time getting out - movies, dinners, girl talk, shopping (for ME!) etc.

Hopefully it will help restore some of what's left of my sanity......

It ain't the articles!

It's official! If a boy tells you that he reads Playboy for the "articles" he's full of you-know-what. It appears that my husband (who is quite literate) has a problem reading my blog because recently I haven't been adding any pictures.

Me: "Honey, have you read my recent post?"

Him: "Are there any pictures?"

Me: "No"

Him: "Then no"

Me: "Do you plan on reading it?"

Him: "Do you plan on adding any pictures?"

Me: "No"

Him: "Again, no"

Well, there you have it. Articles, shmarticles........it's all about the pictures.

So here's to you, honey - pictures - most with captions and everything!

Ben and Greg at "work"

Helping Aunty Karen set up her tent at Lac Le Jeune Ben & Aunty Karen


Ben & Aunty Teresa Breakin' bread with Lee Greg dirt biking at Tunkwa Lake (nice pink helmet!)
In the attic checking the roof for leaks after the recent freak rain storm (no leaks - yay!)
Always ready & willing to help out Daddy